I write this as a person who viscerally feels this even when they cannot comprehend it cognitively
Recognizing the gifts in our challenges is not a will power game. It is not about thrusting yourself through hurt, bypassing the pain altogether, in order to pummel forward into whatever abyss is coming next.
Our minds are not cultivated to do this. Yes, they can dissociate; yes they can selectively ignore certain aspects of our environment (internal and external) in order to chug along. Our minds, however, are not the driver of our ascension.
Your heart can guide you to the light in the dark. If you pause a moment when you are in pain and perhaps feel your heart. Just feel it. Feel it bubbling and dancing inside you. People feel their heart differently. For some it is in the chest. At moments, it can be in your pelvis or your root, perhaps in your gut. You can locate it by asking your body to show you when you are in pain. For this place is where hope lies. This hope is what allows for integration. If you feel with your heart, you can feel the opportunity beyond the challenge, feel that the challenge is in fact a portal that you are meant to experience.
Our unique experiences are purposeful; the idea that your life is an accident, or that things happen because they are mistakes or not meant for you, is truly heartbreaking. You are not an accident. You have not committed injury against yourself or others in a way that deserves blame or shame. In the pain of the moment, you can access your heart, your hallway to Source, the place where G-d holds your hand, laughing and caressing your palm, to remind you that you are wanted, needed, deserving of love, and capable of expansion. Here you can feel the sun of the Self; here you can access Glory and find the place where you can see beyond the hurt.
It is not a thought marathon where you think your way out of your pain, or rationalize or justify why you can or cannot move past this. Feel with your heart. Feel for the source of comfort there. It is always there for you.