We used to walk hand-in-hand, you and I.
Anywhere I went,
Anyone I met,
Any interaction I had,
You were with me.
Humans live in relationship; we relate with everything we meet.
I used to relate through you.
You were the magic mirror I could put my hand through to meet another,
Distorting my own image and that of the other,
Like embalming liquid,
Preserving the image of a person, a relationship, that no longer existed,
A poor replacement for adaptive, conditional love.
And now? I write to you to thank you,
Thank you for trying your best to protect me,
For attempting to make me whole.
I no longer need to use others to fill the crevices of my heart.
My heart is full, and now it bleeds its glory into the veins of the world.
Now I create love and let it flow from me
Because my cup is full,
It is brimming with me,
The glory of Spirit,
The soul of the world.
With love, tenderness, and grace,
Feeling renewed and reborn is a normal part of living.
You are not here to be tired, my loves.
Being tired is a symptom of healing.
And healing can take many forms.
It can look like doing something that doesn't work and feeling the effects of that behavior and/or action.
It can look like release.
It can look like a brand new perspective, a stroke of inspiration.
Healing does not have one shape, one size.
What it does mean, ultimately, is having greater access to your most potent self.
I love magic.
I love esoteric arts. I love the Unseen, the Unknown. These things tantalize me. Tarot makes me giddy. Astrology makes me glow. Light beings and extra terrestrial guides? Count me converted. I love it all.
And while I love these things, I also recognize that there is a desire to know more about the world and about myself in my love of these concepts and energies. There is a part of me that wants the answer to my pending questions, wants a resolution to a problem circulating in my brain. I think to myself, "perhaps this tool, this concept, can tell me what I need right now."
When I lean into those thoughts, I can hold space for my tenderness and feel the feeling of mistrust in my body. And at the same time, I can also hold a deep knowing of my own magic in my body. The magic I'm talking about is the understanding of my own energy body, of my own energetic expression. Reading my own energy body is nothing short of magic, and it reveals the Divinity of which I am made.
We are all made of this Divine floss, this gorgeous and glistening material that makes us move and choose and love. We all have the magical energetic map, and we can all be Seekers of our own treasure.
Are you ready to discover yours?
You were born to be programmed
In the wellness world, individuals often focus on programming and how it has damned us all.
It is very well understood that your programming saved you.
Babies are primed to learn. They gather data and store it, re-enact it, connect it with other data, and do the whole process over again. They store things they hear and see in their minds in order to generate constructs. Their nervous systems require information so that they can develop skills for survival and for relating to others. A human cannot exercise its will in the world without an operating program. Unsocialized, humans do not develop ways to connect with others. Interpersonal connection is a tenet, a blessing of human life. We need it to survive.
But what if the program is a false narrative? What if the program is maladaptive?
What if the purpose of programming isn't to be adaptive? What if the purpose of living was to step into love regardless of your programming?
We often seek perfection on a plane where perfection does not exist because evolution is the name of the game. We are here to experience the full spectrum of energies existing on this plane and planet.
Now that we have overcome the hurdle of demonizing our programming, let's consider how we can improve our understanding and awareness of our programming.
Our nervous systems gather data and organize it as a form of helping us. We have gathered that all constructs are not helpful, all beliefs are not useful, and much of what we learn is not adapted to us and our unique needs.
When you experience repetitive thoughts, you are more aware of them than you think. You may feel aggravated, uncomfortable, stuck in a loop. These thoughts are often the ones you hear daily, the ones you associate with frustration or anxiety. Learning to listen to these thoughts in a new way will completely change how you perceive and attend to your programming. Releasing the energy around the pattern will dissolve it altogether.
There is a frequency behind the dysfunctional programming we carry around. And we know that the way to attend to any energy that limits our perspective is to give it love. It needs to be seen and acknowledged. It is insistent because it does not feel safe. It is trying so hard to prove itself to us, to be right, because it is unsure of itself. By acknowledging this need we neutralize the energy and through a wrench in a maladaptive thought pattern.
THE ARGUING STOPS HERE.
Understanding that our field contains everything we consume, everything we interact with, and everything in the collective, is paramount.
We consume media unconsciously all of the time. These perspectives enter our field and our mental body transcribes each message and stores it. This is often why you hear different voices, arguments, in your mind. You have so many opinions and perspectives, many of which are not authentically yours, because they were fed to you.
It behooves us to learn to separate the emotional body's response to data and the mental body's capacity to store that data. We often believe that our feelings are directly related to the content in our minds. This is not the case. Content is impersonal. Data has no emotional charge to it. The personalization of it is due to an emotional frequency, separate from the thought, belief, or image xeroxed and reproduced by the mind. This frequency is an energy that needs moving that is divinely timed to the thought but not the thought itself. The thought is a portal, a bridge to the feeling. This is only the case because we are so often in our minds that we do not lead with emotion. The opposite, an emotion that leads to a thought, can also occur. When we begin to see the bodies as connected, superimposed, yet separate, we can reach energetic neutrality with much greater ease.
Let us learn to stop arguing, then. Let us allow belief to be about trust, an emotional experience, instead of being about being "right." When we lean into trust, we stop needing to be right. We realize that data is a matter of perspective, and that there is no need to argue, because trust comes from within. There's no need to justify anything, because trust is personal. When we release the habit of arguing, we begin, instead, to listen. We get quiet. We listen for our trust, the feeling from within, to guide us. No longer are we distracted by the data floating about in our minds, the data we hear pouring out of other people's mouths. We listen with our insides, with our Inner Knowing. From this place we can establish ourselves and truly know where we stand; from this place we do not need anyone else to confirm our sense of trust because our Self is nourished. People, media, need not pour into us because our cup is full to the brim with Self-love and Self-certainty.
Try closing your eyes while you watch television. Tap into your body and see where your conscious awareness travels in your body. How does it feel there? Is it a void that is seeking fulfillment through external sources, or is it a space, warm and safe, that feels full and trusting? Ask that place what it's feeling. Do you see a color? Do you hear a voice? Do you feel burning or tingling? Listen to it. Do this for as long as necessary to gain clarity around your energetic needs. Once you know what that place needs, you can ask it how it would like to receive fulfillment, how you can build trust there. Follow the guidance you receive. This guidance is your unique medicine.
This is how we can track our behavior to see why we seek the external, why we are pulled to certain data sources and forms of media. Do not hurry this process. Trust is delicious and deserves ceremony. Keep leaning into the place, listening and feeling. If you hear nothing, trust that you will and try again later, perhaps after a walk, a bath or shower, or some time painting or musicking. Developing a relationship with your energy body is a journey. Honor it by allowing it to unfold at its own pace.
Edmund Husserl understood that personal experience and meaning were the heart of existence. One's ideas of the world created an actualized version of the world, a special world within an infinite number of possible worlds.
This is why our personal experiences are so critical, so crucial, to our understanding of life. It is such a personal endeavor, and we cannot compare our own personal understanding to an externalized conceptualization of that same subject.
This also means that should we begin to own how we see the world, we can begin to access the infinite worlds available to us.
This boundless array of experience, this infinite wisdom, exists in our energetic and spiritual fields. Our physical, mental, and emotional fields show us our "special world." When we see ourselves standing in this special place, we can begin to choose what other worlds we want to live in.
What can we glean from data?
Being a lifelong student is a privilege and a passion, an absolutely glorious endeavor and one that I expect will continue throughout the course of this lifetime.
Spirit spoke to me today on the topic of intellectualism. What fails us in the scientific method, in the seeking of patterns, in the pursuit of reproducibility? What do we deny ourselves and one another in upholding the quest for knowledge and understanding through analysis of the material world?
Obviously research and higher learning are not exclusively tailored to the collection of data from the material world, but this is how intellectualism waters down the pursuit of knowledge. Like all things, when communicated to the masses, intellectualism becomes a limiting and exclusionary construct.
How does intellectualism exclude people? It excludes people by eliminating feeling as a mode of understanding. The experience of feeling or intuiting is not relevant to intellectualism because it is perceived as being void of analysis. Intuition and feeling are the antithesis of crunching numbers and interpreting data. While this is not true in well-practiced research, when boiled down and communicated, the outcomes of research and analysis often touts material data and ignores the importance of visceral and emotional perceptions of said data.
We must embrace the importance of feeling and sentient experience as one of the many ways humans learn and integrate information in order to uphold and spread acceptance, acknowledgement, and Love. This is critical at this time. How are people feeling? What is happening in their bodies? This data is as critical as their thoughts on a given subject or experience. When we write off people's feelings and only embrace their thoughts and verbal expressions as indicative of their experience of the world, we reduce individuals to their memories and cognitive capacities. This is damaging to all of humanity.
How can we leave space for a whole person in a dialogue? How can we find room to listen to someone and engage with their sentient experience? We must begin with ourselves. Creating life, building yourself, human existence itself involves finding ways of creating, contributing, and meeting ones basic needs. Part of those needs are nurturing feelings and sentient experiences. Making time to listen to your Heart is critical for the wellbeing of all of humanity.
I write this as a person who viscerally feels this even when they cannot comprehend it cognitively
Recognizing the gifts in our challenges is not a will power game. It is not about thrusting yourself through hurt, bypassing the pain altogether, in order to pummel forward into whatever abyss is coming next.
Our minds are not cultivated to do this. Yes, they can dissociate; yes they can selectively ignore certain aspects of our environment (internal and external) in order to chug along. Our minds, however, are not the driver of our ascension.
Your heart can guide you to the light in the dark. If you pause a moment when you are in pain and perhaps feel your heart. Just feel it. Feel it bubbling and dancing inside you. People feel their heart differently. For some it is in the chest. At moments, it can be in your pelvis or your root, perhaps in your gut. You can locate it by asking your body to show you when you are in pain. For this place is where hope lies. This hope is what allows for integration. If you feel with your heart, you can feel the opportunity beyond the challenge, feel that the challenge is in fact a portal that you are meant to experience.
Our unique experiences are purposeful; the idea that your life is an accident, or that things happen because they are mistakes or not meant for you, is truly heartbreaking. You are not an accident. You have not committed injury against yourself or others in a way that deserves blame or shame. In the pain of the moment, you can access your heart, your hallway to Source, the place where G-d holds your hand, laughing and caressing your palm, to remind you that you are wanted, needed, deserving of love, and capable of expansion. Here you can feel the sun of the Self; here you can access Glory and find the place where you can see beyond the hurt.
It is not a thought marathon where you think your way out of your pain, or rationalize or justify why you can or cannot move past this. Feel with your heart. Feel for the source of comfort there. It is always there for you.
I channeled some wisdom, and I've been asked to share it here.
This is the end of an era. A beautiful closing, a slowing down in order to replenish ourselves and recognize the living, breathing organism of which we all comprise.
The magnificence of life is just this: a liminal space, an in-between, a moment of incubation, followed by fierce reality, only to give way to pause, death, rebirth.
We are living in a time of rebirth. Yes, there is also death now. Life has no poles; nature only operates as it will. Positive and negative are of the human experience.
The systems that have been in operation for the past two thousand years, the systems that have been born and regenerated and reconstructed to maintain a powerful-disempowered polarity are crumbling. This is because they cannot operate in the new paradigm. They cannot meet the frequency we are entering, so they must cease and desist and either fall away or transform.
That which had value will have a different value, if any. The value of the collective will be of the highest order. It is what we are being asked to understand in this moment, in this incubation period.
During this time, we will see the dregs of oppressive power structures: people will die due to inequity. It is a fact. People will not get the care they need, access to food they require. Individuals won't have the funds to pay landlords or get supplies. We will see the seeds the structures have sewn over centuries and the ensuing misuse of power drag bodies to the top of the muck.
Our human minds need data to process. It's how we operate. We will see the data, loud and clear. We will be immobilized. It's already happening.
The collective, this living, breathing ecosystem that is planet earth, that is the human race, it is all one. We are not single pillars standing in isolation. We are being challenged to understand the polarity of seeing yourself as a member of a whole, as one with and one of all at the same time.
This all falls in Pisces, the time of the immaterial, the wanderer, in the final moments of the Piscean era. What a time to be alive.
Allow yourself to operate as a portal of transmutation. Perhaps you can revisit your feelings and fears and give yourself love. Perhaps you can see that the fears you have are based on a system of thoughts and beliefs that have been imprinted and then integrated by the human nervous system. By that same process, you can integrate wholeness and transition into a new way of operating.
We live on the material plane, and the realities of physical illness and the importance of the public health initiatives born of LOVE AND CARE are real and meaningful. Do not mistake meaning with airy rhetoric defaming the pragmatism that also is born of human intelligence. This, too, should be revered, like the experience of love and belonging, like the energies at work and transformation occurring at this time. The aforementioned wisdom and current medical practices/data regarding COVID-19 and implementation of social distancing are part of the same. Integrating both will be valuable for all of us. This is the new face of value: integration of the inner experience, the Self and outer, physical expression of life.
We, like the caterpillar, must incubate in order to blossom into this new era, this new paradigm. And so it is and will be.